Home On The Range

"How often at night,"

"When the heaven's are bright,"

"With the light of the glittering stars,"

Everything that is really great and inspiring is

 created by the individual who can labor in freedom"

  Albert Einstein

"Have I stood there amazed,"

                                           http://www.drselz.com/blog/2013/05/lost-opportunities

Thanks to getting the full force of my father's warning look when I chose an introverted moment, I quickly learned I had a role in social settings that he considered vital to practice.   Every situation is different because each person is different. Socializing is fluid.  Like water, which assumes the form of the container, each opportunity for interaction is new, like a new day. Many of us may never achieve expert level, but we can have fun with it.

Dad was a no-nonsense type of guy in many ways.  He decided at some moment that we were the perfect age to begin shaking hands, and he expected us to be fully responsive to his extended hand; we were tested weekly.  Full eye contact was expected to accompany our friendly smile.  Handshakes should be firm; a good grip somewhere perfectly placed in the range between painful and softly limp.    He expected every other person in the room to be the beneficiary of our interaction as well.   There was no doubt he was watching, so we knew we should just get on with it.  When the moment came for us to step up to the plate, so to speak, we weren't exactly unprepared, however.

How soon should you start working on socialization skills with kids?  Well, I turned out perfectly, so I thought I should hand out some timely advice. (I thought I should tell you that in case there was any doubt.) In real time, I would express that light boasting with a twinkle and a smile to tell you I was serious...ly kidding.  You may have to look close if I am confident you understand that, or if I am testing you to see how seriously you take yourself.   Will we have fun together?  Can you take a joke if it's posing as ego?  Can you take a joke if it is not self-deprecating?  If confidence seems to you intimidating, what does that tell you about yourself?

I can adjust my level of interaction by noticing your responses, and they tell me something about you.  These are the tweaks we use when we socialize.  If we aren't slipping into a gentle give-and-take interaction, it may be that, like the dials for heat on a water heater, someone's values or attitude are needing an adjustment.  If you aren't responding to me, I will back off to give you space, because that is what your body language is telling me you want.

We teach babies how to respond by our happy smiles. We coo and talk with them to interact as soon as they arrive in this world. We clap and cheer them on, acting generally a little silly over their first smile and their first attempts at "bye-bye".  We hold out our hands and coax them to come to us as they take their first steps.  By fourth grade when our parents took us out of school for two weeks for a trip to Alaska to visit our aunt we knew enough to be polite and kind to these unfamiliar family members.  Although we hardly knew them and felt uneasy about being on the receiving side of gushy greetings and overly sweet hugs from virtual strangers, we didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so we were tolerant of the treatment and thankful for both it's brevity and infrequency.

For extroverted or confident children, they may not need much coaching.  Kids who drive you crazy with telling silly jokes are going to be using more sophisticated jokes and other social skills to interact with people every chance they get.   From the standpoint of a mom and grandma, I would urge you to watch and see how kids express themselves.  You may even be able to follow their lead and make some new friends.  They may have a style all their own, but with your guidance and support achieve expert level at a young age.  For instance, around our  family table we talked about plumbing "things" (customers, gross stuff, etc.) at the table without losing our appetite but that didn't carry over to the table of our hosts who were less comfortable with our everyday experience.

Dad and Mom through example emphasized that the feelings of others were important; enough to temporarily set aside any feelings of my own discomfort long enough to approach others in a friendly fashion.  Both of them stepped up to the plate frequently to invite strangers into their sphere.  Some of those have become part of a large circle of caring friends.

I don't think they would say socializing always goes perfectly.  Sometimes the response is tiny from your intended "victim".  For the sensitive, that is a gentle joke.  If you are my target, I am reaching out to see if we can make a connection.  Sometimes we feel a little dazed after an attempt to reach out to someone.  "What just happened there?'  Other times it goes more like God who started with chaos and little-by-little built the whole earth out of nothing but words of encouragement.  He said that it was good, and in the end, God said that it was very good.  If I have faced a challenging social situation and made a little progress, I feel the same way.  Difficult maybe, but something to build on; it was good.

"And asked, as I gazed,"

"If their glory exceeds that of ours."

"Most men believe that it would benefit them if they could get a little from those who have more. How much more would it benefit them if they would learn a little from those who know more" - 

Rev. William J. H. Boetcke

"Home, home on the range,"

"Where the deer and the antelope play,"

Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer. ~André A. Jackson

"Where seldom is heard,"

"A discouraging word,"

"And the skies are not cloudy all day."

Don't be discouraged.  It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.

  ~Author Unknown

Golf is not a game, it's bondage.  It was obviously devised 

by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins. 

 ~Jim Murray