Shooting the Moon
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Lucky I'm in In Love With My Best Friend |
Where do I want to go this year?
A) Paris
B) Alaska
C) Jackson Hole
D) Victoria BC
What
sport to I want to do this year?
A) Skiing
B) Yoga
C) Crossfit
What
do I want to learn this year?
a) Greek, Spanish
b) Photography lessons
What
do I want to read this year?
a) Books I can talk over and share with my boys.
What
do I want to wear this year?
a) Size 6 - 8
How do
I want to live this year?
a) Clean, pretty house.
b) Save $1 a week x week number.
c) Blog about the process of this list.
d) Keep in Touch, (birthdays, thank you’s, )
e) Cook for Fun and Company
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| Westward ~ Cedar on the Left, Rattlesnake Mountain on the Right |
“Nothing has meaning except for the meaning you give it.”
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| Recapping New Year's Eve |
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| Such Goings On |
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| Chapman Bench |
Everybody should do at least two things each day that he hates to do, just for practice.
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| My Lefse with Chico, CA Sour Power - Dare you to just eat one. |
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| Found: Imported Organic Olive Oil ~ Secret Source |
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| Three Phones |
“If you want to make a permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of you!”
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| Organizing Before Breakfast |
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| Cotton Candy Sunset |
Bleck. New Year's Resolutions. Well, I am just old enough to know that throwing away the calendar from 2013 doesn't mean the obstacles from the last round magically vanished! So what to do? Same old wall, same old me. So what really has to change?
I hoped for more spousal support. When he so cooperatively reminded me of my diet, I ate leftover dessert for breakfast to soothe my hurt feelings. After all, he's the one who sees me naked. He savors his dinner while I watch. He remains as trim as the day we were married. I'm 34 pounds heavier just watching him eat, apparently.
He gives me a list of things to do for the day, and I'll find other things to do, or eat an entire chocolate bar just to show my independent spirit and restate my voting rights. Not sure what I thought that would accomplish, other than making dessert disappear and sure enough, I was right. So was he! Is it in my own mind that if I tell my goals he automatically finds ways to sabotage my plans? So here are my cards.
Like the Berlin Wall, overwhelming barriers don't just go away overnight. The barriers to my success are simple: a refusal to adapt to the extenuating circumstances and do the best I can. I plan to keep my wedding vows despite perceiving food battles and control issues. I faithfully followed Ann Landers long before the days of blogs, Twitter and facebook.com. If she said it once, she said it a thousand times: "No one can take advantage of you without your permission."
Personal growth isn't to be taken literally after a certain point in life. Putting food in our mouths, more than we need anyway, actually creates different and more intense problems instead of solving them. So does giving up on dreams and wallowing in self-pity.
For awhile I've been observing (following) a couple of people - my daughter, Mindy and Srinivas Rao. Mindy (teacher, traveler, linguist, student) has been adjusting to culture shock. Srinivas is a surfer (life-coach and writer among other things). How are they connected? Think culture shock and getting wiped out by a wave.
Marriage can be amazing - a friend for life. His "blueprint" sometimes is as foreign as Ethiopian culture. Trying to meet the expectations of your spouse and his family can be like getting wiped out. Thirty-four plus years later. Yes, I am a slow learner. The stress literally takes me down. Sleep required, and lots of it (Mindy/Culture shock) so you can get back up and ride the wave that wiped you out last time.
While I'm mixing metaphors, how about this? A stool can't stand on only two legs. One leg is keeping my vows of matrimony. Leg two is not losing my own identity, the knowledge I've gained or amassed that may seem unimportant or insignificant to my spouse. Leg three is adapting to doing things another way, a way that may at times seem ridiculous - like being a foreigner. The goal is balance - a three legged stool. The result? Who knows, but I want to find out.
Identify the problem.
Lack of self discipline and dislike for being told what to do.
Who is responsible for my attitude?
Me.
Who chooses (controls) what food goes my mouth?
Me.
Who reaps most of the results of my choices?
Me.
Are there all kinds of barricades in my life that are not of my own making which cause me to feel stressed?
Yes and No.
Do I have resources?
Sisters. Brother. Parental Guidance. Reasonably happy childhood. Moderately dysfunctional life. Knowledge, books, purpose.
Most difficult part?
Not comparing apples with oranges. A high percentage of our problem is how we measure success.
I hoped for more spousal support. When he so cooperatively reminded me of my diet, I ate leftover dessert for breakfast to soothe my hurt feelings. After all, he's the one who sees me naked. He savors his dinner while I watch. He remains as trim as the day we were married. I'm 34 pounds heavier just watching him eat, apparently.
He gives me a list of things to do for the day, and I'll find other things to do, or eat an entire chocolate bar just to show my independent spirit and restate my voting rights. Not sure what I thought that would accomplish, other than making dessert disappear and sure enough, I was right. So was he! Is it in my own mind that if I tell my goals he automatically finds ways to sabotage my plans? So here are my cards.
Like the Berlin Wall, overwhelming barriers don't just go away overnight. The barriers to my success are simple: a refusal to adapt to the extenuating circumstances and do the best I can. I plan to keep my wedding vows despite perceiving food battles and control issues. I faithfully followed Ann Landers long before the days of blogs, Twitter and facebook.com. If she said it once, she said it a thousand times: "No one can take advantage of you without your permission."
Personal growth isn't to be taken literally after a certain point in life. Putting food in our mouths, more than we need anyway, actually creates different and more intense problems instead of solving them. So does giving up on dreams and wallowing in self-pity.
For awhile I've been observing (following) a couple of people - my daughter, Mindy and Srinivas Rao. Mindy (teacher, traveler, linguist, student) has been adjusting to culture shock. Srinivas is a surfer (life-coach and writer among other things). How are they connected? Think culture shock and getting wiped out by a wave.
Marriage can be amazing - a friend for life. His "blueprint" sometimes is as foreign as Ethiopian culture. Trying to meet the expectations of your spouse and his family can be like getting wiped out. Thirty-four plus years later. Yes, I am a slow learner. The stress literally takes me down. Sleep required, and lots of it (Mindy/Culture shock) so you can get back up and ride the wave that wiped you out last time.
While I'm mixing metaphors, how about this? A stool can't stand on only two legs. One leg is keeping my vows of matrimony. Leg two is not losing my own identity, the knowledge I've gained or amassed that may seem unimportant or insignificant to my spouse. Leg three is adapting to doing things another way, a way that may at times seem ridiculous - like being a foreigner. The goal is balance - a three legged stool. The result? Who knows, but I want to find out.
Identify the problem.
Lack of self discipline and dislike for being told what to do.
Who is responsible for my attitude?
Me.
Who chooses (controls) what food goes my mouth?
Me.
Who reaps most of the results of my choices?
Me.
Are there all kinds of barricades in my life that are not of my own making which cause me to feel stressed?
Yes and No.
Do I have resources?
Sisters. Brother. Parental Guidance. Reasonably happy childhood. Moderately dysfunctional life. Knowledge, books, purpose.
Most difficult part?
Not comparing apples with oranges. A high percentage of our problem is how we measure success.
Bring it on. 2014 is the year I immerse myself in the gift that is my life.
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| Date Night - When we remember how much we like each other. (Half Serving - Perfect Treat - Pat on the Back) |
At the risk of inundating this post with another dozen or so comments, I'll start this off by saying that I need more time to digest this. I have a couple thoughts right off, but I need to share my complete thoughts on it, that are still being developed.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that pictures of the footprints in the snow. That is so cool! I set it as my desktop background, photo credits and all!
At first I thought your post was multiple choice. As I kept reading it didn't seem fair that anybody would have to pick one for each question. Anyway, I like this form of sharing your goals for the year.
I'm finding your post really inspiring. I have been doing quite a bit of research about being happy in marriage. I want to put more effort into it. I realize it is what I focus on that is manifested, so trying to focus on positive things, like why my relationships are so important to me (wife, mother, daughter, friend). I like what my mom said a bit ago in our conversation that her joy of the day was talking to me. I want a "joy of the day" too! I don't want to let a single day go by without there being a joy in it. I have resigned myself WAY too many times that a day would be wasted. Yuck.
Also very inspired by the wedding of our friends last week. While I had warm fuzzies about helping friends (did music for the wedding) and gaining a married couple our own age in our field (selfish thought), it also made me kinda jealous that I didn't have the "totally in love" feeling anymore. Decided that was my own fault. Purposing to change it.
More to come.
Love LW in SE WA
P.S. Have I mentioned lately how much I value having such great friends a generation older than I? Makes me WAY ahead of the game... Thanks :D
HAHAHA!!!! Okay I am laughing out loud for real. I just went back and read that part the says "Personal growth isn't to be taken literally..." Apparently today I am a blonde. I'm pretty sure I haven't needed literal personal growth since I was about 12. Pfft. Although the midwife follows literal growth pretty closely and I have had a couple three of those since I was 12. But anyway.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure thinking about personal growth never struck me that way before, but now I'll never be able to forget it.
Still laughing...
Apparently I wasn't joking when I said a dozen comments. Well I'm a sixth of the way there.
LW in SE WA
Okay I'm sorry (sorta) but here's making me a fourth of the way there. This was just too good not to type out.
ReplyDeleteLike I mentioned before, I put the footprints in the snow picture on my desktop. When I closed out of the browser, it showed the desktop of course, and Meri caught a glimpse of it and came over for a closer look. I asked her "What is that picture of?" And she quickly replied "pootfrints!!" And I thought I was laughing about literal personal growth.
I'm thinking this is a day of several "joy of the day" moments. And many of them are because of you!
Love LW in SE WA
Glad you liked the pootprints! They delighted me too even though it was evidence that someone is stealing the cat's food! Rather than multiple choice I was thinking of an outline. Guess that was not very clear! Comment as much as you like. Very happy about our cross-generation relationship as well. I love having young thinkers in my life!
ReplyDeleteThank you again for your blog. Your thoughts are deep and it takes me awhile to think about it all. Enjoyed our phone conversation the other day so much. It was the conversation we had just prior to you posting this blog. One of the thoughts that entered my mind is how much I like the phone calls (or better yet, face to face) more than the blog or the facebook entries because these entries must be more guarded. Especially facebook has to be guarded and I thought about how unsatisfying facebook is and I plan to decrease my visits there and just make phone calls with the time I would spend on that site. Mostly people post links and photos so you don't really know how they are doing.
ReplyDeleteYour goals are great. I would like to do some of the same things especially get down to a size 6-8. Once I went to the chocolate truffle making class in November followed by two major holidays and the cravings that come with that I've had trouble finding something to wear every day. Not much fits so I'm really searching the closet in my attempt to not purchase additional garments. Today has not been a total victory...opened another bag of choc chips and now need to make it into something the family will quickly eat and rescue me from my bad choice.
More later....
We talked about the three-legged stool, surfing as a type of culture shock or vice versa, and the problems of comparing apples to oranges. Those thoughts I added before posting as you suggested. My mind wasn't ready to reconstruct our conversation in it's entirety because the blog was already complex. Forgive me for seeming guarded. I usually don't discuss my blog before posting, and this could be why! I agree with much of your facebook assessment. It is amazing, but can be mentally challenging. I appreciate my quiet time away! This must be my introverted side. These discussions in direct reference to my blog are helpful, though, so thank you very much for commenting!
DeleteI really like the Valentine-y theme of the blog background, your first picture of tea/coffee cup, and the cotton candy clouds. Just got an invitation to the annual couple's Valentine party and hoping we get to go! Hubby too sick last year... It is a super fun social time (for me anyway). Food, fun games and valentine's exchange. Maybe when I make my valentines for the exchange, I can bring in some of the wisdom produced from my research on happy relationships! Your blog is a good starting point.
ReplyDeleteLW in SE WA
I am glad you like it and feel curiously honored that this blog will be your starting point! I confess to having mixed feelings about a Valentine-y theme before the middle of January! Right after Christmas someone observed that Valentine's Day was already evident in the stores, so it was a bit tongue in cheek that I switched - but who can resist pink? Not me, evidently. The cup was my own choice for New Year's Eve. I was thinking at that time of a picture a day for a year, though I already lack a few. The pink cotton candy clouds worked their way in, so what was I to do? Sometimes as they say, our creations have a mind of their own! A Valentine's exchange sounds really fun. I sure wonder what it will be like, so please take some pictures to share with us! Hope your sweet hubby feels better for the festivities this year.
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